Several years back, I had a fascinating conversation with a client who had an unusual problem. His organization was hiring for an upcoming position and the internal candidate was confident, driven, and articulate during the interview process. However, when he asked her to explain the different ways she’s handled “critical feedback,” she was silent. My client asked the same question in a different way and framed the query with how she normally handled “personal development opportunities.” Still no answer.
He even used an example of something he had observed in their workplace interactions and it still didn’t induce a clear answer on her part.
He was puzzled, and I could see why.
What are the best practices for a leader to implement in order to help someone see their personal weaknesses, and at the same time see their potential areas for development?
Here are some ideas of what may be happening when your team member can’t seem to see their own development opportunities:
Lack of self-awareness. They don’t know themselves enough to receive constructive feedback and how to process the information. A lack of self-awareness is actually quite common in leadership development. Self-awareness means understanding the strengths and weaknesses of the leader and the effect these have on others in different situations and contexts.
Poor listener. Even though my client asked the same question in different ways, it is possible that the woman didn't understand what was being asked. In any dialogue, there are three conversations happening. The first is between the two participants, and the other two conversations are the ones that each participant is having within themselves. If their interior monologue has a “higher volume” than the verbal conversation, active listening is not happening. The conversation energy ends up being internal, going toward preparing what to say next when the other person stops talking.
Arrogance. It is common for leadership literature to call this arrogance. Other common descriptions are pride or being so self-absorbed that previous feedback rolled off their backs. In this particular case, it seems like the woman heard the feedback, but she rejected it.
Omniscience. A high level of knowledge is often seen as a positive quality in a leader, as knowledge and experience are valuable commodities. However, a leader who believes they are all-knowing can be on a slippery slope.
Lack of self-regard. Self-regard is the ability to be able to accept yourself for who you are. It is the appreciation for your positive attributes and your perceived negative traits, while still feeling good about yourself. With my client’s interviewee, it was possible that her personal view of self was so low or distorted, that admitting any fault would have appeared as weakness.
As leaders, it is vital we learn how to receive critical feedback.
It is also important to capitalize on any potential personal growth opportunities. So, how are you doing on answering the question, “What is your personal development opportunity”? or “How do you solve this leadership problem?”
Give these inquiries full breadth and stretch yourself a bit. Get honest with yourself and ask, "What do I need to work on that will allow me to be a more effective leader?"