To Be a Wise Leader You Need...

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been sharing some thoughts on connecting wisdom and leadership. If you missed those blog posts you can read them here and here. 

King Solomon, said to be the wisest person to ever live, has been the main character we’ve used as an example of what it means to be a wise leader.

One of the cautions that we as leaders need to recognize is that we can start to get full of ourselves. If we are not careful, we start to believe the press that is written about us: 

• Hard worker

• Smart

• Excellent with people

• Good salary with nice bonus checks

• Dedicated and loyal

These things may actually be true, but when you get this kind of feedback it can start to go to your head.

Queen of the South

King Solomon had this same experience. Things were going really well for him:

• He gave orders to build the temple on Mount Moriah

• He had been blessed by God with wisdom

• People liked him

• He was very rich

• He was dedicated to the people he served

Then one day, Solomon had a visitor, the Queen of Sheba. She had heard about Solomon’s fame and wanted to test him to see if he was as great of a leader as she had heard.  They scheduled a meeting and talked; Solomon answered all her questions and she got to observe firsthand the wisdom he had obtained. 

The Queen says to Solomon,

“The report I heard in my own country about your achievements and your wisdom is true. But I did not believe what they said until I came and saw it with my own eyes. Indeed, not even half of the greatness of your wisdom was told to me. You have far exceeded the report I heard.”

-2 Chronicles 9:5

Can we just sit in that feedback for a minute? How cool would it be if someone from another company requested a meeting with you because they had heard of your reputation, and after you met they say that you are even twice as good as they had expected? Wouldn’t you walk out of that room feeling like Muhammad Ali or Tom Brady…some of the “Greatest of All Time” athletes?

Solomon Knew the Danger

So what is the danger of this kind of recognition from others? You are the greatest, you are the smartest, you are the fastest, you are the best, you are all that and a bag of chips (as my daddy used to say)?

I think the real danger is that you may start to believe it! 

Solomon knew this too because he penned a proverb cautioning against believing all of this about yourself:

“It is not good to eat too much honey, Nor is it honorable to search out one's own honor.”

- Proverbs 25:27

I wonder if it is because of his interaction with the Queen of Sheba that he doesn’t pen different words. I could see Solomon after his meeting with the queen, sitting with his journal at the end of a long day writing something like:

“Honey sure tastes good. And I have heard from the doctors around town that it is good for you. However, if you eat too much of it, it is not so good for you. In fact, instead of being delicious, it can make you really sick. Giving yourself too much credit is a lot like this. It is ok to have a little bit, but if you spend all your time thinking about and telling others how great you are, that makes others sick and it isn’t good for you either.”

Solomon says that searching for one's own honor is like eating too much honey. In the long run, it isn’t good for you.  In other words, too much of a good thing just might make you sick. 

Honor is something that naturally follows a job well done. I am in no way saying that as a leader you should not recognize others for a job well done. I personally believe that leaders who do a great job will get all of the honor they need and deserve. 

Just be careful that you are not seeking this honor out for yourself. Focusing on this honor can take a leader into a bad place. One leader I know put it this way,

“I have a person on my team who I am surprised that he does not break his own arm patting himself on the back.” 

Remedy for the Danger of Self-Promotion

While we all want to work with very confident leaders, too much of a good thing, like self-confidence, can start to rub people the wrong way. Humility, according to Dr. Edgar Schein in its most general sense, refers to granting someone else a higher status than one claims for oneself. 

This idea of basic humility is really all about granting status to others. It is about recognizing the innate value that other people bring to the table. This basic humility allows a leader to recognize others for who they are and what they do.

There is another deeper level of humility that is good for leaders to consider. This is the concept of epistemic humility. This is where a leader is able to recognize their own personal limits in knowledge, reflect analytically on social problems, have an understanding of the limitations of human experience, preserve in wrestling with intellectual challenges, and take the perspective of others. 

The idea of epistemic humility goes beyond the recognition of others into the realm of self-examination, self-truth telling, and being able to see others' perspectives. This kind of humility calls on a leader to self-regulate, self-depreciate, and truly value what others are seeing.

I am curious how you might see yourself in relation to the story of Solomon? Most of you that read these posts are very successful. You could easily fall into the trap of asking yourself “What about me?”. Think now, how do you use humility as a counterbalance to keep your own self-confidence from running out of control?

Would You Choose Wisdom?

In last week's post, I mentioned an opportunity that King Solomon was presented with as a leader. If you missed it, you can read that post here. In short, the story from the book of Ecclesiastes describes how God shows up in Solomon's dream and tells him to ask for any one thing and God will give it to him.

Fully acknowledging this is happening to Solomon in a dream, I find the story to be one of gripping drama, and the choice that King Solomon was faced with is fascinating. Here is a quick recap:

God shows up to a sleeping Solomon and says, “Ask for anything and I will give it to you.”

I think Solomon has to be thinking along the lines of: 

“This is cool! I have to get this one right! This is big. Maybe I should create a list of options…”

• I need a new chariot

• My marriage isn't going so great

• I have just seen the doctor and the news wasn't so good

• My kids have lost all respect for me

• My kingdom has a history of revolting against its leadership

• I have enemies on every side of my land

• My army is a lot smaller compared to all my enemies

• My land is prone to drought, and there are a lot of people to feed

Let’s stop there for a moment and put ourselves in Solomon's place. Pretend that God, who by definition is all-knowing, all-powerful, is always everywhere, and can do whatever is desired, is saying to you, "Ask me for anything and I will give it to you."

While you ruminate on that question, I have some additional thoughts for you to ponder.

Why Wisdom?

As you consider King Solomon’s list of options, you can begin to understand the gravity of the question he faced. I am sure as you are thinking about your own request of God, you might be thinking, “This IS big.”

It is very big. Especially if you are a leader. And most of you who read this lead others. 

Some of you lead organizations, others of you lead teams, others lead churches, and some of you have the responsibility of a family. No matter what your leadership level is, this can be a difficult question to answer, "If I could have one thing in my life, what would it be?"

I think somehow Solomon must have realized that how he answered this question would likely impact the rest of his life on earth and maybe even impact him beyond his earthly life. I don't mean to over dramatize the point,...but how can I not?

I can almost feel the tension Solomon may have had in his dream..."Think, think! before God changes his mind, what should I ask for?"

It is possible that Solomon wasn’t quite as confused as I am  while contemplating that question. Perhaps Solomon was a more reflective leader and had read a lot of blog posts on leadership, so he had spent some time thinking about questions like this. Or maybe he even worked with an Executive Coach who asked him similar questions to prepare him for this very moment. Who knows?

What we do know is that no matter the level of drama associated with the decision, Solomon asks for wisdom.

On the surface, this is a curious choice. 

Most of us have  some concept of what wisdom is, but if we are honest, it is not something we think as much about these days. Prior to reading these recent blog posts, when was the last time you even thought about the concept of wisdom?

While there is not one agreed-upon definition for wisdom in any of the scholarly leadership literature I have read, I do think there are some thoughts that are quite insightful as we begin our thinking about this important leadership attribute:

Most perspectives on wisdom view it as an expert knowledge system that concerns the fundamental pragmatics of life. (Baltes)

• Another perspective is that wisdom is a skillful application of the practical truth to ordinary facets of life that extend beyond information and knowledge. (Dr. Ken Boa)

• Yet another view is that wisdom is perceived as exhibiting two categories of attributes: exceptional understanding and attributes of judgment and communication. (Holiday 7 Chandler)

• Wisdom is a capacity to put into action the most appropriate behavior by considering what is known and what does the most good. (Rowley)

• Recently an affective component to wisdom has been added that includes Emotional Management as a key to leaders being able to display wisdom.

Is there anything we can glean from these 5 perspectives that might inform us on how we see wisdom? It entails some level of expertise:

• The skillful application of practical truth

• Often what is needed is beyond our own level of information and knowledge

• Leaders are faced everyday with not only what needs to be decided and communicated, but HOW this needs to be done

• Some level of emotional management and tolerance of stress is indicated for good judgment and decision-making

• As leaders, our judgments impact not only ourselves but many others in our organizations.

So, why wisdom? 

Why then as a leader did Solomon choose wisdom over anything else?

Perhaps there are two reasons, one a bit self-centered and the other focused on more of a greater good:

1. My dissertation chair, Dr. Very Ludden, was famous for saying that leaders require wisdom in decision-making to avoid taking foolish actions. No one wants to look foolish. No leader I know wants to take their team down a path of wasteful folly.

2. A leader's actions are all about the sound judgment that without wisdom, are filled with distractions and temptations.

I think that somehow, Solomon had the ability to look at his list of options and see a connection. Solomon had many problems and issues he faced. Some personal, some organizational, some from external forces. I think Solomon knew that what he needed was an attribute that would help him across all facets of his life.

He knew that it was wisdom that would give him the ability to help reconcile his need to be seen as a leader by others with the external needs of creating followership by those in his kingdom and respect from those outside his kingdom.

How about you? Now that you have had some time to reflect on the question, what would you ask for if you could have just one thing? 

Success? Power? Influence? Riches? Love? Respect?

Wisdom?

I hope you will ponder this question for yourself. And, as long as you are pondering, why not ask? You never know what might happen…

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Henry Kissinger is famous for saying that one of the most difficult things for a young leader to do is to “speak truth to power;' to go up the power gradient with information that is contrary to what the hierarchical, authoritative, and referent position believes to be true.

There is inherent organizational danger when communicating things to a leader that they may not be seeing:

• You could be rejected, which leads to embarrassment.

• You could be dismissed, which leads to self-doubt.

• You could be humiliated, which leads to isolation.

• You could be discounted, which leads to demoralization.

Alternately, there is huge upside in communicating to a leader what they are not seeing in the moment:

• You could be celebrated for the input.

• You could be included in the decision-making process.

• You could be honored for your courage.

• You could be valued for your contribution.

Whether a reality or a figment of our imagination as a young leader, “speaking truth to power” can be overwhelming. This is the risk tension that the young leader must face.

Receptivity of the Leader

No matter the current stage of our leadership journey, we have all been there at some point and can relate to emotion of the young leader when faced with the risky decision to “speak truth to power.”

However, it could be argued that the senior leader has even more at stake.

Unless they create a safe environment in which others feel the freedom to share, the senior leader runs the risk of missing key information that may never find its way to them. With that in mind, much of the burden falls on the senior leader to create an atmosphere that mitigates the risk for the young leader.

How are you doing in this area?

5 TIPS FOR CREATING A CULTURE THAT HEARS

Here are my top 5 tips for leaders who want to improve their chances of hearing the information they need in order to make informed decisions and lead well:

• Slow down your cadence.
  
  Most of the leadership mistakes I have made were because my world was moving too fast and I did not slow down in order to see more possibilities. The faster I went the more convinced I became that I was right, and the further away I got from the truth. Take a deep breath, count to 10, sip a warm beverage, pray, do whatever you need to do in order to slow your pace.
  
  

• Become curious.
  
  Suspend your need to be right and work really hard to understand an alternate position. Before you jump to a conclusion or shoot down an opposing opinion, spend some time to discern the message they are bringing to you.
  
  

• Always say thank you.
  
  You would be surprised how often I observe leaders who turn and walk away from an interaction without expressing gratitude. Very rarely, if ever, is their intent to be unkind or degrading, however, the pressure of the moment takes the brain to the next thing rather than allowing them to focus on being fully present in their current interaction, with awareness and sensitivity to the needs of the relationship. Researchers at USC found that simple acts of gratitude provide benefits ranging from feelings of reward and satisfaction to simply helping people to hold on to their humanity. Try the simple act of saying “thank you” more often and see how it might contribute to more open communication.
  
  

• Spend time reflecting.
  
  At the end of your day, take the time to review. Play back the interactions you had with others, resisting the temptation to become defensive. Ask yourself questions such as, I wonder what they were really trying to ask me? Why did I feel such a strong need to defend myself? Why did I feel such a strong need to exert power in the moment? What unintended consequences could my actions have? Be honest with yourself as you learn and grow from the challenges and successes.
  
  

• Do the inner work of developing your soul.
  
  Psychology data says you are as intelligent right now as you will ever be. Your personality is fully formed, so you know if you are extroverted or introverted. You have most of the skill you will ever need. With that in mind, what is your next step in development? Could it be that you need to work on developing the soul of your leadership?
  

HOMEWORK

Pick one of the 5 tips above and work on it every day for a week. For example, in every personal interaction and every email you send, say “thank you." Work on making your attitude heartfelt, and let me know what outcomes you see. I’d love to know how these tips contribute to more open communication within your team or organization.

When Negative Self-Talk Creeps In

A good friend of mine (and an avid reader and commenter on this blog,) Ken, submitted my name as a speaker for an organization he is affiliated with. He emailed me asking if I would consider giving a talk and facilitating a dialogue on the value of emotional intelligence (EI). I am always humbled when anyone thinks that I might have something valuable to say when it comes to EI. It is one of my favorite subjects to talk about, and I often use the EQi 2.0 in training programs I do and with almost every coaching client I work with does a self-assessment that shows them what their leadership habits may appear like to others.

Now, here is what you need to know about Ken. His job is to serve as a hospice chaplain in Polk County Florida. His request was for me to come and speak to a group of his peers and his boss on the subject of how EI can be of value to a hospital chaplain.

Gulp! I have to admit, the email produced mixed feelings in me. Like I said above, I was humbled for sure, but scared out of my pants as well. Hospice chaplains...really?! While I might know something about EI, my immediate “knee-jerk” reaction was, I don’t know anything about hospice chaplains!

Then the negative self-talk started to creep in:

• You’re no expert in hospice care.

• What do you know about how to fit EI into their world?

• You have never even studied EI in this context, what if there is no data?

• Your not a very good public speaker.

• Maybe you should call him up and back out.

Now, am I the only one this happens too? When you are hit with a complex, tension-filled situation what do you do? Do you immediately become filled with fear, anxiety, and self-doubt? How do you stop the negative self-talk from creeping in and taking over your thinking?

Here is a quick and easy method that I use when this happens to me: I use an acronym I call "STOP." It is a four step method that helps me turn my negative thinking into a more positive and constructive use of my time and energy.

STOP

Stop: Do something to interrupt the cycle of negative thinking.

Take a deep breath: Breathing relaxes your tension, releases dopamine, and calms you down to think more clearly.

Other focused: Exercise empathy and become curious about what it is like to be in the other person's shoes.

Purpose a question: Asking questions can have a calming effect and bring you more into a zone of safety than one of fear.

Here is how the model helped me get rid of the negative thinking and increase my confidence in this situation:

When I first noticed the negative thinking creeping into my mind with the thought, you’re no expert in hospice, I should have taken the time to put this model into effect. Unfortunately, even though I teach this stuff, I got all the way down to, maybe you should call him and back out before I put this into practice.

Stop: Psychologists call this pattern interrupt. I noticed the negative thinking and I did something physical to draw attention away from the negative thought. In this case, I was sitting down when I read the email. When I finally noticed the negativity, I stood up. I concentrated on doing something different. Distract yourself away from the source of negativity.

Take a deep breath: When I stood up, I took several yoga style breaths. Focused on bringing my belly button to my spine. I actually could feel myself starting to calm down. This is often when I will also say a prayer, asking God for wisdom as I navigate these treacherous negative waters. I distracted myself from the negativity for a moment. That is the goal with this step.

Other Focused: I tried to take the thoughts off of myself and my shortcomings. I put my thoughts onto Ken and his team instead. I began to think, what might they need from a model like emotional intelligence? What value could it bring them? Notice the questions starting to form when I start to turn my thinking from self-referential to other-focused.

Purpose a question: I crafted an email back to Ken asking him, what are some common situations that hospital chaplains find themselves in where they need more EI? What had other speakers done that the chaplains found valuable? How had he used EI in his work as a hospice chaplain?

I noticed, then, that my fear and anxiety were dissipating into curiosity. I was moving from a lack of self-consciousness into a state of confidence by focusing on the value I could bring to this group of dedicated servants.

Self-Actualization and Optimism

According to authors Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book, EI always exists in balance. This is pretty easy to see when we think about a leader who is very self-confident but lacks any empathy or interpersonal ability. We often put a label on a leader who has this balance of qualities as being someone who is arrogant at best, and a real narcissist on the more clinical side of the psychology

In my case, I am usually a fairly self-perceptive person. This means that in part, I get a lot of meaning and purpose out of my life and the work I do. This is a real strength for me.

Most of the time I am optimistic, which means I have a positive outlook on the future and am fairly resilient in the face of setbacks. However, this ability can come into question, especially when fear or anxiety enter the stage. My optimism can turn into a negative downward spiral of self-critical thinking.

What I need when I am faced with these fears and anxieties is to balance my self-actualization and my waning level of optimism.

The STOP model helps me to put the brakes on the negative thinking, so I can use all the meaning and purpose I get in my life to teach and coach emotional intelligence, regaining my level of optimism.

I am happy to report that Ken and I have a call scheduled to talk through what value EI can bring to the hospice chaplains and the talk is scheduled for mid-April.

Homework: Where do fear and anxiety creep into your leadership? Can you anticipate when these events occur? When you feel your thoughts going negative, try using the STOP model to see if it can bring you back into emotional balance.

What Advice Would You Give to This First-Time Leader?

As a part of my personal morning routine, I try really hard to spend at least 30 minutes in reflection, meditation, and prayer. I have been using a book recently to assist me in this quiet time called “40-Day Journey with Parker Palmer." The thing I like most about Palmer’s writing is the powerful way he provides insight into paradox. For example:

• The inner life and the outer life

• The darkness in the world and the light in the world

• Action and reflection

• Strength and weakness

• Living while dying and dying while living

My mind has been in a couple of places this past week and my morning quiet time has proven quite valuable for me. My quandary has been a paradox of sorts between leadership and management. Reflection, meditation, and prayer, if done in the early morning, can have a profound impact on how you see your day, your week, and your world. If you do not currently use this leadership tool, I really recommend giving it a go and see how it might change your world.

The Story

My youngest son Greg and his beautiful wife, Sylvia, spent the week after Thanksgiving with my wife and me at our home in Florida. Their trip to the sunshine state had several purposes:

• Vacation - Greg has been working for Enterprise Car Rental for a year and had earned some much needed “PTO" (paid time off).

• Thanksgiving - As much as possible, we wanted our immediate family to celebrate the holiday together (we were missing our daughter and her husband this year who are spending a year in Madrid, Spain teaching and traveling).

• Promotion - Greg recently accomplished a major feat! After only a year at Enterprise he passed their rigorous management training program and will go back to central Ohio as an assistant branch manager. He has really worked hard for this promotion and, at age 23, Kim and I could not be more proud of Greg’s effort and accomplishment.

One of the things that Sylvia and Greg wanted to do on vacation was to spend a day at the beach. One afternoon we all got in the old Kia Sorento and headed over to Melbourne Beach. While we were sitting and enjoying the sun, sand, and ocean, Greg made the statement, “It is interesting, up until now at Enterprise it has been all about me and what I do to perform. When I go back to work next Tuesday I will have 3 other people who will have a say in my performance.”

The Paradox

Many of you who have been in leadership for a while may remember that moment when you had this same realization. Some of you are new to leadership and may be experiencing this same thought and feeling. Some of you have been in leadership for a while and may just be waking up to this seemingly unsolvable puzzle.

How can something be totally about me and notabout me at the same time?

This is one of the intriguing things about leadership. Perhaps it is the tension that exists between management and leadership. Perhaps it is the tension that exists between task and relationship. Perhaps it is the tension that exists inside of both task and relationship, for each of them have a “what about me?” and “what about my followers?” component.

The Advice

As we sat on the beach, Greg turned and said, “You know, Dad, you should blog about that. I think a lot of people new to leadership would like to know what to be thinking about as they get started in a transition like this.”

So, never being one to hold back when asked to give an opinion, here are the questions that were on Greg’s mind that day and what I came up with as a response:

• How do I motivate the people on my team when I am not around? Some of my team is remote so I don’t see them every day.So I think this answer is two-fold. First is to find highly motivated people like yourself. There is only so much external motivation a leader can provide. If they don’t have a high internal motivation, then something is wrong and they need to find some other method of self-actualization. No amount of external motivation, even big bonuses, will give them the satisfaction in work they desire. Having said that, if you have someone who is self-motivated, the best thing I know to do to motivate someone is to care for them. Show compassion. Really listen and give them ways they can solve problems. The ultimate goal you are striving for is that when you are not around, they would say “I wonder what Greg would do in this situation?” That is leadership!

• How do I know when to manage and when to lead?Leadership is about the team! Find out who they are. Find out what they like. Really work to get to know them. Let them know you will have high expectations for performance, but ultimately caring for the customer and the employee is what you are there for. They will do amazing things for you if they know you care about them and that you have their back as best you can as a first line leader.Management is about the process. It is organizing and planning. Be as transparent as you possibly can about “why” things are the way they are. Most managers focus on the “how." Really dig in and explain the "why" so there is understanding about the processes. Don’t just tell them what to do, show them how and then explain why.

• How Do I Organize the Work?Work with your supervisor (leader) on this one. Get advice on best practices they have seen. Seek out a mentor who has been really successful in your role. Each organization will have its own secrets to success. There is nothing like a good mentor when trying to figure out organization. When they share advice, implement it! Give it a fair try! It is frustrating as a mentor to give advice then have someone not take it and show up for the next meeting with the same question, or worse, having failed because they thought they knew better than to take the advice of wisdom.

• What is the best way to give feedback & build trust?The best way to build trust is to keep your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you declare you are going to “win” and have really high standards then you need to hold everyone on the team accountable for performance. You cannot have different standards for performance. You may have to make individual decisions based on circumstances but never have different standards. As far as feedback goes, my experience is people want it straight. They don’t want it sugar-coated. They don’t want 3 positives and then the “negative bomb." There are three steps I follow for feedback: 1. Give the situation the event occurred in. 2. Give the observed behavior they exhibited. 3. Give the result you observed. This is feedback. If you want them to change, coach them on what they could to in that situation, what the desired behavior looks like, and what result you expect. Ask them how they could do it differently next time to obtain a better result.

• How do I achieve balance in my life? One of the conversations I have with many of my clients is, “all work and no play makes Jack/Jill very dull." I don’t really ascribe to the "how to balance life" equation. I see life much more as flow and energy. What gives you energy and what sucks the life out of you. For all of us what we really control is our time, and to a lesser but equally important domain, our health (both physical and spiritual). Ensure as a leader that you find ways to revitalize yourself before, during, and after your work time. Make sure you have good positive thoughts going into your brain first thing in the morning and eat something for breakfast. Stay active during the day. Pay attention to the relationships you care most about. Never, ever, ever take them for granted. You will be tired and tempted to be isolated when you get home at the end of a long day. If so, how can you reenergize yourself so that those relationships you care most about at home feel as valued as your customers and your employees? Find your energy flow. No segment of your life gets all your focus.

Some of these answers could have been much bigger and broader and probably deserve some context. If you have thoughts on how you would answer these I would love to hear them. Why not leave a thought as a comment on my site?  If you send me an email that is cool, too, and with your permission I will post your comment on the site for you. I really do think a lot of young leaders have questions like this. Let's create a “Leadership Wisdom” forum that can serve as a repository for their leadership questions.

Homework

You have two assignments this week. The first is to provide your comment and leadership advice to the above questions. There is nothing like experience weighing in on questions like this. The second is some intentional personal reflection.  If you are not spending time in personal reflection in the morning, I highly encourage this discipline. Take 30 minutes with a spiritual book (I like using the Psalms or Proverbs from the Bible) or a book by a spiritual leader (I love using work by Parker Palmer and Ken Boa), and find a short passage that takes less than 5 minutes to read. Then spend the rest of your time reflecting on what the reading means to you. If you decide to implement a practice like this, I would love to hear how it is going for you.

What Great Leaders Do When Bad Things Happen

It seemed like a complete disaster. It was a project that our team created, organized, and executed, yet the outcome we received was far from what we desired. Sound familiar? It should, as we’ve all experienced the feeling of failure at one point in our lives. Whether in the workplace, in a sporting event, or other moments in our daily life, this failure can cause many different emotions such as frustration, disappointment, and most of all, fear.

In his new book Originals: How Non-Conformists Move The World, Adam Grant (Wharton’s four-time teacher of the year) gives some practical advice when we face fear. Instead of letting fear drift into anxiety or dread, reframe it into excitement. For example, in a study of people who fear public speaking (listed as one of the biggest fears people experience), the participants were divided into two groups. One group was given these three words: “I am calm." The other group was given three different words: “I am excited."

Which group performed their speeches better?

This one-word difference caused listeners of the talks to rate the “I am excited” group as 17% more persuasive and 15% more confident than the “I am calm” group.

Turning your fear into excitement can energize you to act. If you remain to calm for too long, there is a potential for negative self-talk and anxiety to set in. My hypothesis here is that the old advice of “remain calm” when you are in fear is really, "lower your anxiety and get moving." To remain calm for too long can cause paralysis in times of tension and complexity.

When you face times of tension, stress, and fear, how do you react?

We developed the CHECK list that we wrote about last week to give you a tool that will help you move forward when you are experiencing situations that bring fear.

Consider the Situation

It can be difficult to look at your situation objectively, considering the result of the project didn’t meet your expectations. Ask yourself the following questions to help you reflect and move forward:

• What went well?
• What could be improved?
• What needs to change or be omitted?

Hear from Others

Take it to your team and colleagues. Ask them the questions that you asked yourself above. Create a space that allows them to speak into the situation and feel positive through a process of brainstorming the solutions. Including them will motivate them in moving forward. If your team is stuck, consider bringing a coach into the situation to offer a fresh perspective and facilitate conversations or the planning process.

Eliminate Negativity

It requires a full 360 shift perspective to begin to see failing as a learning opportunity instead of as failure. Ryan Babineaux and John Krumboltz talk about this feeling of failure in their book, Fail Fast, Fail Often: How Losing Can Help You Win. In their research, the authors found that people who are happy and successful spend less time planning and more time acting. Now, there is planning involved prior to action, but what these people do is act on their plan without emotional fear based baggage. These folks get out into their universe to try different things and learn from their mistakes. From their perspective, failing is learning, not failure.

Conduct a Plan

Once you've looked at the situation objectively and heard from others, you can go back to the drawing board and work out a plan for moving forward. As mentioned earlier, try not to dwell in the planning stage. Instead, implement action. Consider adding some check-ups throughout your plan to track the progress along the way. Include someone in these check-ups for accountability.

Keep Your Head Up

Believe in yourself and in your team. Let others see your positive attitude and resilient behavior focused on moving forward. They will follow your lead and look to you for support or motivation. Approach your project from a different angle than before to give it a fresh feel for you and your team.

Homework

Reflect on a project or situation that didn't go the way you planned. Write down what went well and what could have been done differently. Share these thoughts with a colleague or mentor and brainstorm a plan for improvement next time.