Are You Dealing Effectively With Emotional Exhaustion?

My wife and I are currently on a much needed and restorative vacation. We are spending time with our kids and grandkids and refreshing by emotionally disengaging from the business for a few days.

It is the idea of emotional disengagement that I want to challenge you with today.  When you take time away from your work, whether it is on your day off, or over a holiday, or perhaps a vacation or sabbatical, are you able to emotionally disengage?

I know some of you will be saying, "No way! I could never do that. I just can not emotionally disengage," there is:

• Too much going on with the new product launch

• There are performance reviews due the week I get back

• There is a significant shortfall in revenue and I need to have action steps in place

• Email. There is always email. It just never seems to stop.

• I will look weak or unprepared if I take my foot off the gas and drive the organization.

I have heard every reason leaders give as to why they have a hard time disengaging. Worse yet, at some point in my career, I have probably said them all too.

As I was journaling about this very topic, two things really stuck out to me:

First, I don’t think I realized how tired I was until I took some time off and really rested. Second, I am putting way too high of a value on my self-regard. I made so many excuses for why I was unable to emotionally disengage. I told myself:

• I am so important that the product won’t launch without me.

• I am the boss and people need to know my opinion of their work.

• Superman to the revenue rescue! I am the man who can turn it all around in one week!

• I might miss something or more likely someone will need my opinion.

• I can’t afford to look weak or unprepared.

While no one wants to admit when they need a dose of humility, a healthy check of mental restoration shows us that there is tension in this equation. I don’t know a leader who wants to look weak or unprepared, so rest assured I am not saying this. What I am saying is that if leaders do not actively disengage themselves from time to time they are at risk for becoming emotionally exhausted.

Emotional Exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is the core factor in what is commonly referred to as burnout. This that state of having nothing left to give to others physically or emotionally to others. It leads to poor performance, low levels of commitment, and turnover.

According to work by Leiter and Maslach on emotional exhaustion, the first sign to watch for are feelings of being overextended. When you would normally leave work around 5 or 6, but find yourself still answering emails or taking work home with you. Being overextended can show itself in a number of ways, from poor prioritization to losing your “cool” and getting frustrated by things that are usually no big deal.

Now neuroscience kicks in.

Your reptilian brain senses your fear that you are not performing at your best. Then your need to survive kicks in. If I don’t keep going I will lose my job, you tell yourself in your thought life.

When you notice this kind of self-talk it is time to stop, take a deep breath, invoke feelings of empathy for others, and start asking questions. This process has been shown to slow down your survival-brain so that you can engage your thinking mind.  When you engage your thinking mind you will realize that this is not a time to work harder, but to take a break.

In my experience, leaders not only need to be on the lookout for themselves, but also for others in the organization. This same line of research shows that those most prone to burnout are often the most dedicated and committed to the organization, working too much, too long, and too intensely. Three factors are common with the type of person susceptible to burnout.  The individual may want to please others to the extent that he or she feels guilty when requested to give more time, has a strong need to help, and experiences boredom due to a routine job.

I am Experiencing Emotional Exhaustion…Now What?

According to Barari and Barari (2015), EI training has been found to be effective in leadership training and reducing burnout. Additionally, implementing employee intervention programs, like “What You Know About Stress Is Killing You,” which identify stressors and helps build a plan to buffer the effects of negative emotions caused by stress, have been found to be very effective in reducing some types of emotional exhaustion. Finally, because positive interpersonal relationships are absolutely vital in reducing both workplace stressors and employee turnover, ensuring that you lead a culture that values and supports friendships between coworkers is a must. Programs that promote healthy work-related relationships and team bonding are vital.

Remember, your knee-jerk, reptilian brain, emotional response to exhaustion is to power through it. Science says the opposite. These unique times we are living in may make it difficult for some to grab a cup of coffee with a friend, but make it your goal this week to schedule a phone call, or better yet, a Facetime or Zoom. Purely for the benefit of connection and enjoyment. Notice how it affects your stress level.

Or better yet, why not schedule that vacation you have been dreaming of taking?

Homework: Why not identify some stressors that you are feeling and talk with a coach or mentor about some things you might do to relieve the stress and some of the emotional exhaustion you are feeling. The other thing I recommend is that you schedule a vacation, and this time try to disengage for 4 or 5 days in a row.
 

3-Step Recipe for a Productivity Reset

Question: When is the last time you experienced a productivity reset?

I read recently that in a knowledge-working society the work we do is really about creativity.  Now, when I hear the word creativity my mind immediately goes to the painters and sculptors of the world. And for sure the work they do is creative. 

But before those of us who are scientists, technologists, and managers or leaders abdicate the world of creativity to the artists, we probably should step back for a moment and make sure we are not leaving the best part of us behind.

The Story

I recently had a conversation with one of my graduate students who said she was completely burned out and didn’t know how she was going to get her research project finished on time.  She was definitely in need of a productivity reset.

Here is a part of our conversation: “…by the time I finish my commute to and from work I am logging 60 hours or more a week. In addition, I have a family and my church that are both really important to me. I just don’t have any energy left for creativity to get this research project finished.”

I could just sense the frustration and disappointment in her voice as she was trying to figure out how to be more productive. Then almost without taking a breath, she said, “…You know, perhaps I could be more efficient in the morning. If I got up an hour earlier I could get more done because I am at my most creative in the morning.”  

The Point

As knowledge-workers, we are all going to have to come to the realization that more time, more effort, more energy doesn’t equal creativity or effectiveness.  It just equals more time and more effort. That's it.  If you are playing a game of who-works-hardest then keep going, I guess, but if you want to be creative and innovative, then maybe work as hard as you can while you're working and then stop and do something else.

I think there is a reason that athlete’s work really hard in times of peak performance and then rest their bodies.

There is a reason writers like J.R.R. Tolkien, William Stafford, and Victor Hugo would work for a while in the morning and then go for long walks in the afternoon.  

Both high performing athletes and creative writers alike see the value of both hard work and the regenerative process of the productivity reset.  There is only so much a knowledge-worker can do to be productive before they need to recharge their brain.

According to Margaret Moussa, Maria-Estella Varua, and Matthew Wright’s work on knowledge-workers, what has been left out of the discussion up until now are issues of self-efficacy and well-being.  

The question we need to ask ourselves as leader is:

Can we leaders continue to treat our knowledge-workers the same way we treated productivity-workers of ages gone by?

And…

Can we as knowledge-workers continue to try and cram more stuff into our day and expect quality outputs?

3 Step Rest Process

Here are three things that I try to do when I am in need of a productivity reset.

1. Read. There is nothing like reading to stimulate productivity. If I ever have writer's block, reading is one of the best ways I know to get the juices flowing again. I have found that there is nothing like poetry and fiction to really get my juices flowing again. In fact, I just finished a chapter of Britt-Marie Was Here by Fredrik Backman.
   

2. Walk. I love to exercise but when I work out I am really focused on pushing my body, so I don’t get many creative thoughts going when my heart rate is above 140. But when I am just out for a walk, and the sun is shining, and I can sense the beauty all around me, my creative energy just seems to flow.
   

3. Phone a Friend. For me, there is nothing like community and conversation to spur creativity. I always feel better when I get off the phone with my coach, my coaching group, or a conversation with Kevin or Joanne. There is just something about talking to others that will spur on my creative process.

As leaders, when we think about ourselves or those who are in our care, perhaps we need to be thinking less about how productive we can be and more about how we are practicing self-care. It is elements like reading, taking a walk, and engaging in a community that are the real ways we gain wisdom. 

Could it be that as knowledge-workers we are really seeking things like wisdom, and as we do we actually become more productive as a by-product?

I had many more things to say about this topic, but I am feeling a bit confused and convoluted right now….

I think I will go for a walk.

3 Minute Read to Improve Your Leadership Resolution for 2018

Happy New Year! I know many of you are still on vacation so I promise to keep this one short and to the point. 

Many of us begin thinking today what we will resolve to do (or not do) in 2018.  

A resolution, in fact, is just this, "a firm decision to do or not do something."

Like you, In the past I have made many types of New Years Resolutions:

• Personal: Eat right, exercise more and lose 10 pounds.

• Professional: Increase sales by 20% by becoming more customer-centric.

• Family: Become a better listener when talking with my wife.

• Spiritual: Read through the Bible in a year.

All good stuff. I am sure many of you are making resolutions and talking with your friends and family about them even today.

I thought I might challenge you to add a category this year. In addition to your personal, professional, family, and spiritual resolutions to think about a resolution to improve your leadership.

Leadership

Here are 10 Ideas to help you start to think about what you could resolve to change in 2018 when it comes to your leadership. I pulled this list from some of our more popular blog posts this year and have included a link to some of them just in case you want to read more on a few of these subjects.

1. Reflect on Being a Great Leader and what is keeping you from being great. Who among us doesn’t want to be seen as a great leader? And yet so many of us have some barrier that we just don’t want to see or do anything about. (Do You Make These Leadership Mistakes)

2. Work on your values before your vision. Define what is important to you as you begin to sculpt your vision for yourself and your followers.

3. Spend less time working and more time thinking. This idea runs counter-culture to our “doing” mentality. Perhaps you need to work less and think more to enhance your ability to lead. (Solve This Riddle and Challenge Your Leadership Perspective.)

4. If you were a brand (like Kleenex or Toyota,) what would your value proposition be?

5. Who in your organization do you need to network with? (Who Else Wants to Develop as a Leader?)

6. What piece of FeedForward advice do you need to seek out? In our organizations, we are so good at feedback. We just love telling people what we observed them doing. Why not start a culture of FeedForward? Perhaps we could all get a little better at offering some solutions in addition to what we see in others that we don’t like. (What advice would you give this first time leader)

7. What cycle of negative thinking will you break this year?

8. How are you resting in the middle of your workday? Studies are showing how important rest is for leaders to maintain their effectiveness. How are you cycling your work to maximize your performance?

9. Take your emotional intelligence temperature. Are you able to choose how you react or are you “slave” to your knee-jerk reactions?

10. Whatever change you make, put a plan in place to sustain it.

I am looking forward to being with you on your leadership journey. If there are subjects you would like tackled on these pages just drop me a line. I am happy to do the research and then write about what interests you.

My prayer for you is that you have a productive and effective year as a leader.

Blessings to you and your families.

PS: If you know someone who might be interested in growing as a leader in 2018, why not forward them this blog and have them sign up? It's free and easy, and we guarantee they will get tons of value.

Making Change is Hard, This is Harder

 So most of you who read this blog with any regularity know that I pay fairly close attention to my health.

I try to make healthy food choices. 

I actually enjoy working out.

I value my faith in God and personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

I love my important relationships: My wife, my family, my team, my customers, my close friends.

At my most recent appointment with my physician, the incredible Dr. James Scelfo, he asked me a number of follow up questions from my previous visit. Here is the one that was the most interesting to me:

“Scott, you have lost about 5 pounds. We had a goal of 10, and 5 is really nice progress. Can you sustain it?”

Provocative Question

Did you catch it?  The good doctor inferred a change in behavior based on the outcome: The loss of 5 pounds. He also questioned if the shift in behavior and habits was one that I could continue. I thought his question was a really good one. He wasn't curious how it did it, but rather if I could sustain it.

Not improve upon it.

Not make it better.

Not lose 2 more.

Sustain it.

Sustain: What an interesting word! Not one that gets too much focus in the world of leadership development. We are always looking to say, "Can you improve? Can you give me a little more? Can you do just a little better? There might be one more promotion out there, if you do this one more thing!"

Dr. Scelfo didn't ask that. He is a really smart dude. He knows that before I can commit to giving him one or two more pounds, the real question is can I keep it up. Can I stay where I am long enough to learn new habits? Learning new habits becomes one of the key elements to sustainability.

What does it mean to sustain?

I was so intrigued by this question. I had to go back to my car and look up the word in the dictionary. I thought I knew what sustain meant and one of the definitions provided was pretty close to my thinking: “To keep going an action or process."

Although, that's not what caught my eye. What was fascinating to me was one of the other definitions given: “To undergo, experience, or suffer (injury, loss, etc;) endure without giving way or yielding.”

To sustain means to recognize that you have undergone a process, had an experience and even suffered and you are enduring without going back to your old ways.

Celebrate Observable Change In Behavior

Personally, I don’t know if there is anything more rewarding than when I observe a client making a change.

I recall a client several years back who, unbeknownst to himself, would interrupt people and finish their sentences for them.  I remember like it was yesterday sitting with him, being in the conversation, and having him cut me off mid-sentence. As he would do it, I would stop him in his tracks and say, "There, you did it again."

In our coaching, he really worked hard on increasing his impulse control and at the same time decreasing his need to feel heard. 

Not easy work. In fact, it's really hard work.

When I did a mini-360 check-in with some of his key relationships they were surprised at the dramatic change he had made. The question the president of the affiliate had for me was, “So coach, do you think he can sustain the change?”

In our coaching, let’s not ever fool ourselves into thinking that just because we are seeing some behavior change, that we are seeing a new habit.

How Coaches Can Help Finish Change

There are times where a coaching relationship just ends too soon or for internal coaches, the behavior change happens and then we move on to whatever is next. All of this in the context of the person has “moved” to a new change behavior.  The question we all have to ask ourselves is have they made the change? Have they obtained sustainability?

Think about a change that you want to make or one you've tried to make. What would your life look like if you made that change? Are the habits for that change sustainable, something you can live with long term?

Next week, I'll share 5 steps you can take to make sustainable changes or coach someone through it. In the meantime, leave us a comment about what sustainable success you've had. How did you do it and what advice would you give others?

How to Navigate Change Without Frustration

       People are suffering in Puerto Rico this week and may be without power for months, reports are saying. Recovery will be hard, but it is a challenge that Puerto Rican Governor Rossello is determined to take on. "God is with us; we are stronger than any hurricane. Together we will rise again." So as we keep these many people in our thoughts and prayers this week, I thought it would be good for us to reflect on ourselves and the people we both lead and interact with.

Gov. Rossello's empowering words give me so much hope for Puerto Rico, and got me thinking: that statement reflects a pragmatist's approach to change.  Now, I don't know Gov. Rossello personally, but for the sake of argument let's say, based on this statement, that pragmatism is his change style.

"Scott, what on earth is a 'change style?'"

I'm so glad you asked. Your change style is the type of approach you naturally bend toward when leading others in the midst of great change. These are the three change styles based upon the  Change Style Assessment  that I often use with my clients. 

Pragmatists: These people approach change by exploring existing structures within a situation, and operate as mediators and catalystsfor change within that structure. Thy prefer change that best serves the function. Thy can often appear reasonable, practical and flexible but also noncommittal. Gov. Rossello is ready for Puerto Rico to "rise again," to become what she was before this storm, he knows his system has worked before, and is ready to use it. 

Conservers: These people accept existing structures around them, but unlike pragmatists, prefer to keep existing systems and structures in place. They would rather see gradual changes happen. While they might seem cautious and inflexible at times, they are not afraid to ask the hard questions. This might be someone such as President Calvin Coolidge. He is an often overlooked president because he was seen as too cautious and inflexible to enact any real change. However, his slow-moving approach allowed him to see the big picture when it came to things like the economy, and he became the only president to leave office with no national deficit. 

Originators: These people are original thinkers who will challenge existing structures from the very beginning. They actually enjoy risk and uncertainty, quick and radical change. Sometimes they can come off as unorganized and undisciplined. An example of an originator would be Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who challenged the broken social structure and took risky steps that led to radical, beautiful change. 

What is the value of Knowing your Change Style?

Who among us is not in the middle of some kind of change? Change is all around us. Here are some that I have noticed this last week just in my little corner of the world:

• My grocery store changed where my favorite frozen yogurt treat is found in the freezer case. Seems like every time I go into the grocery, something has moved.

• My favorite brand of frozen protein waffles changed their packaging and I almost couldn’t find them on the shelf.

• My workout routine is changing more and more as my wife and I prepare for our very first back to back half-marathons. One on October 14 the other on Oct 21!

• I have started to do more online teaching, beginning with some of the assessments we certify leaders and coaches to use in their organizations and practices.

Since things in both our personal and professional lives are constantly changing, I think it is good for us to understand how we approach change. I tend to be more of an originator and get a lot of satisfaction out of rearranging things to see if I can make them better. However, I also know that if I am not aware of a change, I can easily get frustrated, like I was when I couldn’t find my frozen waffles because the package is different.

Knowing about yourself or your clients and how they approach change can be very valuable. Think about a conserver style leader who is asked to lead a new systems initiative in their organization. If the leader is aware of their change style, then they can better manage the processes. Left unaware, frustration and doubt can hold the best leaders frozen in their tracks.

What is your change style?

Take this fun quiz below to get an idea of which style might be yours. If you are coaching someone through change, we have an assessment tool available for you to use to find our their change style that will allow you to help them grow in their approach to change. 

Powered by

Are You Being Intentional with This Aspect of Leadership?

How many things can you think of that are better than knowing you have other caring, credible, and wise people who believe in you?

There is a real sense of value and self-worth gained when other people acknowledge who you are and not what you do. 

I don’t want to minimize performance in organizations, but in many ways, it is just that: performing. And if I have learned one thing about performing, it is that you are only as good as your last show, and the audience expects more and more from you on stage. Let your performance slip too much and you can find yourself sitting on the outside looking in. 

Which is why I would like to zero in on the topic of self-perception.  However, not mine and not yours. I would like you to think about a person in your organization who needs to know that you value them and that you see potential in them. Sure, they might have some things to work on, but who among us doesn’t.

Let's think about someone in your organization in whom you see some leadership potential that needs your care and your nurturing.  This is a person who if they just got the sense that you believed in them could, on their own, take your organization, department, or team to another level of performance.  

Here is my premise: If you are not investing in developing and nurturing the leadership in your organization you will someday wind up with a rudderless ship.

For years we have been sold the message that to fill a position we must look for certain skill-related criteria in workers.  While I am sure skills are important to do a job, they say little about a person's ability to lead in your organization.  I have several clients right now who are faced with the reality of wanting to promote a talented person to the next level of leadership only to look one level below and realize that there is no one to promote into the vacancy that will be created.  The people at that lower level down all have the skill to do their jobs, they just don’t have the ability to be promoted and lead a team or a department. The entire promotion process comes to a halt because no one has either invested in the talent to groom them for the next level, or the person was hired for their skill to work in the role with no thought at all about if they could some day work two or three levels higher in the organization.

Look no one has a crystal ball. We don’t know how people are going to perform. We don’t know how they are going to adapt to more responsibility or interact with others as tension and pressure increase.  I don’t think anyone in the organization is asking us to be Las Vegas odds makers on these people.

But just because you can predict the next CEO from your sales organization, or the next Lead Pastor from your youth group doesn’t mean that you can completely abdicate your responsibility.  

Think About the Investment

The question for all of us is who are we taking the time to invest in?

The investment you make in others, just like the investment you make in your 401K or IRA is a strategy.  It takes a deposit every month and then month after month and year after year. If you don’t invest enough in your retirement then you will end up short when you are ready to retire. According to the Employee Research Institute, the average American at age 65-69 has only $212,812. According to Bankrate’s investment calculator if the average person started at age 20 and invested $5,500/yr at 7% they would have $1.57 million at age 65.  

This is a difference of $1.35 million. Now you can say that some of that might be due to income and so forth but I don’t believe it. I think it has to do with not being intentional when it comes to saving and investing for a time we all know is inevitable. What is says to me is that we as Americans don’t have a retirement strategy. We live for the moment.

Link to Leadership

I think many of us approach developing leaders in our organizations the same way we approach investing for retirement.  We know it is a good idea. We know we need to do it. We just don’t have the discipline to make it happen.

Before you read any more, I would like for you to STOP: Take out a pen and a pad and write the name of a  person who you need to be thinking about and intentionally developing.

After identifying the person you want to invest in you need to ask yourself, what do I do to invest with them? Why not assess what their personal level of self-perception is? Self-Perception in the emotional intelligence world determines how in touch the leader is with their feelings, and how good they feel about themselves. Success in the area of self-perception means you are confident in pursuing your life’s goals.

Here is a little quiz to get you thinking about the level of self-perception your intentional investment candidate possesses.