One Way To Lead More Effectively

I think the idea of influence when it comes to leadership has become a really misunderstood idea. In organizations, we give a lot of weight to performance and getting things done.

How things get done, doesn’t really matter as much as that they get done….until the “how” does matter. This can create quite a confusing predicament for some leaders.

Often times I will get an email from an organization who will want me to coach someone who is really smart, really talented, and even seen as an expert in their field. The organization loves “what” the person does. And the “what” the person does is so good that the “how” they go about doing it is, to coin a phrase, pushed under a rug.

Everyone knows in the organization knows that “how” the leader goes about things is less than desirable…”But that’s just(insert whatever name you want here) Scott…You know how he is…We all just learn to work with him or work around him.”

In this post, I want to unpack this idea of influence a bit, but first, it is important you understand the event that gave me some real clarity.

In our family, we have a little dog whose name is Carlos.

We have had Carlos now for about 13 years. So for a dog, he is getting pretty old.

Carlos actually lost his sight a couple of years ago and is basically deaf as well. He is still pretty cute and gets around fairly well for an old guy. There are times when he does get a bit confused and gets a little lost in his own home.

That happened to Carlos the other day. He was sniffing around in our kitchen and as he was in search of any morsel that was dropped on the floor he made his way under the kitchen table.

Once he got under the table, with all the chairs around it he became confined in this maze. Every time he would turn and try and get out from underneath the table he would bump into a chair or table leg. Then he would back up a bit and try a different exit strategy only be foiled in his plan by yet another obstacle.

As I watched all this happen (don’t worry I didn’t let it go too long before I moved a chair and he found his way out), I got to thinking to myself…

If I had the problem Carlos had, what would my self-talk be like?

If I am honest I would be saying things like:

• Who put this stupid table here?

• Why didn’t somebody tell me if I went in here it would be hard to get out?

• How could you people all watch me struggle like this and not help me?

It was so easy for me to see myself blaming the kitchen table for my problems or shifting my issue to other people. The fact that I had this problem could not have anything to do with me at all.

Of course, the problem is totally mine!

My reality is that I am doing everything I can to get out of the table maze, the problem is that I can not see, that in fact, I am the problem!

I got myself into this mess and having the problem and the anxiety that goes along with it, I can not think of what the solution might be.

The anxiety I am feeling is causing me to not be able to think clearly.

Psychologists and people who work in leadership development have a name for this kind of thinking that does not reflect reality. It is called Self-Deception.

Self-Deception causes us to obscure the truth about ourselves which leads to all sorts of issues which ultimately undermines our ability to see and influence others. In the Emotional Intelligence world, we call this Reality Testing.

Leaders need the ability to assess the situation between what is experienced and what objectively exists.

The reality of the situation is if I put myself in Carlos’ shoes, that I am stuck and what objectively exists is that I don’t know how to get out. Self-Deception comes in as I try and shift the blame for how I got into this mess, and that I really need help getting out. Oh, how easy it is to blame; our coworkers, another department, a competitor, or even our poor mothers!

If we are going to lead more effectively we need to solve our Self-Deception crisis and really work on what it means to be a leader of influence.

Influence

I think in leadership circles, influence has really become misunderstood. What I mean is that we often see influence as “I got you to do what I want to be done”; ergo, I influenced you.

Well, the reality is that you think you have influenced me, and perhaps if you pay me enough money, or have enough power over me perhaps in some short-term thinking way you have. At least you have until I can find someone to pay me more money or I can find a way to get out from underneath your position of power.

True influence recognizes a couple of things. First that you as a leader have both performance AND people as part of the fruit that grows in your metaphorical leadership tree. One at the expense of the other is very short-term thinking.

If you are going to really influence others you have to get better at understanding their needs. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, and it doesn’t matter how hard you work. Frankly not too many people other than your mom really care. What they really need from you is to be heard by you. As you listen to the needs they have you are able to find ways to align your performance with what they need. I am not talking bout compromise here. In a compromise, both people lose something. No, I am advocating for how you as a leader can get done what you need to be done, while listening and helping others get what they need.

The only true way to influence others is to become empathic and really listen to what they need.

So how about it? Could you set aside your own needs for a moment, and work to understand what others might be needing.

I argue this is one way to really lead more effectively.

6 Influence Strategies You Need to Lead

I had this really cool thought while on the treadmill the other day. Now, I have to tell you, being on a treadmill is not my favorite thing in the world. However, it has become an important part of my workout routine as my wife and I train for our next half-marathon in October. 

So I am jogging along at about a 4.7 miles per hour on the treadmill. My trainer calls this my base pace. That means that it is a pace I could theoretically keep up for 30 minutes or more if I had to do it. So I am jogging along at my comfortable 4.7 pace and my trainer Cynthia says, "Okay, everybody I want you to establish a new base. I want everyone to go 0.1mph faster." 

What! Get me out of my comfort zone? Are you kidding me?  

But you know what I did. I took my speed up 0.1mph

That's when I had the thought: Cynthia has influence over me. Here is this petite female trainer giving me instruction over a microphone with 36 other people in a class at 6:15 in the morning, and what do I do? Exactly what she said to do. Why did I do that?

It is because Cynthia has influence over me.

Because I work for myself, I am able to make my own schedule when I am not traveling for training, and therefore could theoretically go to the gym whenever I please, but I don't. Why? Because even though I have a flexible schedule, I choose to go to the gym when I know there will be a trainer working who I like. This may sound like just a personal preference of mine, but it's more than that, and this kind of behavior probably shows up more in your life than you realize. My trainers’ likability and the friendship they show me along with their expertise in physical fitness that can make me a better runner makes me want to learn more from them. Likability and authority are actually keys for influencing others. 

As I was thinking about Cynthia’s influence over me in that moment it reminded me of what Robert Cialdini talks about in his book "Influence.” Cialdini has identified 6 influencing strategies that people use with each other.

Here is a summary of those strategies.

Influencing Strategies

Reciprocation: This is the idea that we do things in return for each other. Always share your strengths to help others, and return the favor when they do the same, even if your reciprocation is just a "thank you very much for your time." Let the kindness always end with you. 

Scarcity: "The rule of the rare," you can have influence when things like time and budget are scarce to be found. Help those around you see the urgency and the resources that are available. This type of influence must be used with integrity. When used wrongly it can hurt people and cost you your influence. The scarcity in the situation must be real. Don't create a deadline that you don't intend to stick to or fail to mention some possible solutions in order to create the appearance of scarcity.

Authority: This type of influence doesn't have to do with positional power like the word may suggest, but reverential power. Showing that you have the right data, an expert perspective will influence others. When you're the expert though, don't stop listening to others or you will lose your influence. If you walk in the room thinking you are the one with all the answers your expertise will not be heard. 

Commitment: This is the starting point of influence. If you are an influential leader, then those you lead will generally be committed rather than merely compliant. If you ask them to do something that's going to cost them some sacrifice you may see if they are committed or compliant. If they're committed they will do it with enthusiasm,  if not they may not do the task at all or they may do it begrudgingly. If you find they are compliant with your influence, reflect on how open you have been with them about your larger vision for the future of your work together. To gain commitment you must show them where they're going. 

Likability: As I mentioned earlier, building a friendship to build influence is important. Likability matters. A phrase I hear sometimes from clients is "I don't care about being liked, I just want to be respected." If that is you, I challenge you to take caution with that thought. When you are liked, you can gain as much influence as when you are respected. 

Consensus: "People-proof over people-power."  As you gain rapport with others and show that you have valuable knowledge, it will increase the success and value in others. It will be because of what you delivered, and this makes you more influential. 

Personalize One of These Strategies

Think about something you are trying to get done, maybe a change you are trying to get made, or a goal you are trying to help a team to reach.  Think through the influencing strategies above and identify the one you would like to try to implement to help you achieve your goal.

We all have different personalities that leave us with our own strengths and weaknesses, but for others to benefit from our influence, we must grow and adapt to better lead with influence in many types of relationships and situations. What kind of influence do you see on this list that comes the most naturally to you? The least? Leave a comment and let's chat about it!

What Do Followers Want From Their Leaders?

I have been thinking a lot recently about the dynamic relationship between leaders and followers. Primarily, my thoughts have centered around the fundamental concept of what it means for someone to lead me and what words best describe me as a follower, what I want a leader to contribute to my life. I don’t expect that what I am about to share will rock your world in any way. In fact, prior to reading on. why don’t you answer these questions for yourself, and then compare your thoughts to mine?

• What does it mean for someone to lead me?

• What word or words best describe what I want a leader to contribute to my life?

Let me tackle the second question first:

Contribution

As I spent some time contemplating what I want a leader to contribute to my life, these four things came to mind:

• Trust in the vision they are creating. I think there is an inherent assumption that if I am going to allow someone to lead me in some way, then I am going to invest my time, talent, and/or my resources working toward whatever picture of the future they have. For me, if I am allowing someone to have influence over my life in any substantial way, I have to have some assurance that they are credible and have access to the knowledge and skill to get us moving toward our desired future state.

• Hope that the future is safe and abundant. While risk is inherent in any leader-follower relationship, I do think the Hippocratic Oath has merit not only in medicine but in leadership: First, do no harm. Resilience and optimism are both integral parts of the faith that we all put in leaders that have influence over us. We do not expect them to be perfect. It is reassuring that as we journey we will do it together and watch out for each other.

• Love me for who I am and how I was created. I am not talking about romantic love, but a brotherly love. A kind of love that recognizes the influence a leader has over me and yet respects my value and recognizes how I fit into the organization. No matter what happens this leader will have my back and I have theirs. This love values my strengths and accepts my weaknesses, a love that shows compassion.

How about you? What words did you come up with that you want a leader to contribute to your life?

As I reflected and examined the question above I noticed that in each of the descriptions I wrote another word kept surfacing that is a perfect one-word description of what it means for someone to lead me:

Influence

Influence is the sum of positive (I choose to focus on positive rather than coercive) behaviors that you as a leader exhibit that have an impact on the choices I have as a follower.

As a leader, you have a vision you are trying to implement, and an idea for how to get there. As a follower of yours, I recognize that you have some kind of authority over me. You don’t need to flaunt it. You have some idea about the direction you want all of us to go. You recognize that we have choices and hence you must be adept at getting your vision clearly articulated. You must be skilled at getting your thoughts and ideas integrated and communicated into the social structure of the organization. Influence is the idea that I “buy in” to your thoughts and ideas and am choosing to come along with you. As time moves on you continue to have some degree of power over my choices in the form of increasing my faith, knowledge, experience, and my integration into the community you are leading. As leaders, we must never forget that while it may seem desperate at times for some followers, they do have a choice whether to remain under your leadership or not.

Influence is the idea that I “buy in” to your thoughts and ideas and am choosing to come along with you. As time moves on you continue to have some degree of power over my choices in the form of increasing my faith, knowledge, experience, and my integration into the community you are leading. As leaders, we must never forget that while it may seem desperate at times for some followers, they do have a choice whether to remain under your leadership or not. As a follower of yours, I really desire to align myself with the social norms you create. You don’t need to degrade me in public. As your follower, I know you are going to do things for me and expect things in return. Share what you expect and then work with me to see if I can hit your expectation.

What Is Your Influencing Style?

As you might have guessed, psychologists have been studying this idea of influence for almost 100 years. While some of the terms have evolved, the ideas supporting the original make-up of what it means to influence have remained fairly constant.

Using an Influencing Styles Inventory Assessment leaders can discover the style they prefer to use most often, the benefits of that style, and some of the traps that overuse or misuse can cause.

Click here to download a free example of an Influencing Style Assessment

This Influencing Style Assessment gives leaders the opportunity to obtain a certification to use with followers in their organization. This certification gives leaders and coaches a tool to find ideas and strategies for those in those in their sphere of influence to make them more effective.

Using The Influence Style Indicator

Angela is a new member of my team who is responsible for our marketing and social media efforts (you are reading this article, thanks to the hard work of Angela to get it out over many different media platforms.)  I asked Angela to take the assessment and answer some questions about the Influence Style Indicator so you could learn more about it

Angela, How easy was this assessment to take and how long did it take you to complete it?

It was very easy, I received an email with a link directly to the assessment, and I completed it in about 15 minutes.

What is one thing that you learned about yourself from the assessment that you didn’t already know?

I learned that it does not come naturally to inspire others when I am trying to influence, and I actually learned that I was wrong about what I thought it meant to inspire others with my influence.

How do you see using this assessment as you influence others on our team?

I want to be more inspiring when influencing our team. The assessment showed me what it means to inspire with influence, which brings unity to a team. I was given many practical examples for how to inspire in a constructive way that moves things forward. I learned that even though the style of influence I most often tend to use is in making rational appeals for why my leadership should be followed, I really feel that inspiration is something I'd like to work into my influence style. I would love to be someone who leads others in ways that make them feel hopeful about not only my leadership but also their personal well-being.

What advice would you give to someone who wanted to be more influential as a leader in their organization?

After taking this assessment, I would tell someone who wants to be more influential that they should really listen to themselves more closely when they are presenting their opinion on anything, not just in the workplace. Good influence is not just self-aware but requires a thoughtful care that often comes out through our words. There are many ways to influence, negative and positive, and when we are trying to influence others to go along with our plans, we can get so caught up in wanting to get our way that we do not stop to think about the best way to go about making that happen, and how to behave if that does not happen.

If you are interested in learning more about this assessment and how it can be valuable to your organization or your practice as a coach we would love to connect with you.